How I Found a Daddy
It was a Tuesday afternoon and I had hit a mental wall while trying to navigate this new blogging/trainer profession I’d created for myself. Feeling lost and frustrated, I did what any mid-20s gay would do to relax and destress. I relocated to my bed and started scrolling on Twitter.
With my phone in one hand and my dick in the other, I began my search for just the right video. My goal was to have some pleasurable dick-stractions get me off and simultaneously destroy my mental blockade.
Challenge accepted. Mission cum-plete.
Photo by PhotoMIX Ltd. from Pexels
Just before cleaning up, I came across a post by Nick Capra.
He spoke openly about his journey to sobriety and while recovering from all the many obstacles he faced. Nick’s message was powerful. Seeing him be so vulnerable and honest with the platform he has as an adult film star really inspired me. I knew then I needed to interview him and learn more.
Not only does Nick continue to be an inspiration for many people facing tough times, but he is also an incredibly sweet, goal-driven, oh and did I mention, sexy ass man?! I connected quickly to Nick’s hardships and found his outlook on life both educational and motivating. Whether it’s his strong mindset, advocacy for healthy living, or love of the male anatomy there is something for everyone to connect to.
Below you’ll find my interview with Nick and links to his socials and work.
The Real Nick Capra ‘Daddy’ Experience
NA: Nick, How did you first enter the porn industry?
NC: Quite accidentally. My Boyfriend was in the biz. His stage name was Troy Michaels. He was scheduled to do a live internet show for Chi Chi LaRue. His web show partner canceled last minute- so, I filled in.
It was titled, “Troy Michaels & “Model”
I refused to take a stage name because I had no intention of it going any further. We walked into Channel 1 Releasing, day of show. The owner met me and made a phone call.
15 min later this outrageous, 300lb man with no eyebrows and a goatee came into the building. Introduced himself as Chi Chi LaRue. He asked me if I wanted to do a movie with my boyfriend for him, titled “Finish Me Off”.
Nick Capra
And almost eighteen years later, here we are.
Tell me, what challenges did you encounter starting off, and have they continued your whole career, gotten worse, or improved?
My dating life became really dysfunctional. I’ve dated other performers. That’s tricky. Egos. Egos. And more egos.
I’ve dated other men, who weren’t in the biz. Sane men don’t date sex workers. If they do, it’s because they are “fans”. And I’ve never been interested in dating a fan.
I’ve reconciled not to date again until I retire. For me, personally..that is the only way to find a healthy, interdependent relationship.
Being a big star in gay porn means enduring a lot of hatred.
Mostly from other gay men. Let’s be real…Not all, but many gay men behave like catty mean girls. If they see another man who is more attractive. Receives more attention. And God forbid, takes complete ownership of his sexuality…They seek to destroy him.
Also, there have been the trash blogs slamming me.
The web trolls making disgusting remarks. I don’t ever Google myself anymore or go on porn blogs to see articles I’m headlined in. And, I will tell the new boys coming in to be careful when they go looking for that kind of validation on the internet.
You cannot “unsee” something terrible written about you, what’s it’s been read.
What common misconceptions do people have about the industry and those involved in it?
That I’m this sexually lascivious creature with no concrete ideas or emotions. I’ve been referred to as a “mouth breather” before.
Fair enough. 🙂 I like catching people off guard.
People have taken movies like “Boogie Nights’ and created this fantastical idea that drugs are being used on sets. I’ve actually been fired by two studios for coming in strung out, in the past.
How has your career impacted you mentally, physically, sexually and socially? Both personally or when in public?
I’m pretty numbed out to the stares and whispers when I’m in a gay gym or gay neighborhood. My friends usually tell me about it, while it’s happening and I’m completely oblivious.
I suppose after this long, its “normal” to me. I get approached for selfies a lot at the airport.
Body dysmorphia. Big time.
Nick Capra
I push myself hard at the gym. Generally 2hrs/day 6 days a week. (between cardio/abs/training). Lots of non-invasive procedures. Fillers. Micro-needling. Botox. Things I would never do if not for my work.
Everybody wants to fuck the porn star to tell the story. Rarely do they want to date them. I’ve accepted that. Mentally, I have learned to scan people I am getting to know.
Same as the above, there are many who like to use the “I’m friends with the porn star” as a form of social currency.
So, if someone gives me a “Yes” to everything I do, I’m skeptical. That’s not a friend. It’s a fan or a social climber.
Being such a strong name and face in the gay community, what opportunities has that opened up for you? (either personally, career-wise, etc.)
I read a book by my porn idol, Jenna Jameson, many years ago. “How To Make Love Like a Porn Star”
What stood out to me is that this woman took the time to qualify as a crystal meth addict. What happened. And how she got sober.
I was very much own my addiction at the time that I read this book. But I remember thinking to myself: If I ever make it out of this addiction alive, I’m gonna do for others what Jenna did for me…Tell my story.
Now, because I tell my story on social media. I have been getting approached by addicts and alcoholics. Both sober and still suffering.
I get approached by men who have read about my sexual assault when I was a teenager, who are survivors, themselves. I get approached by cancer survivors, and I always try and take the time to listen.
Their stories are sacred to me. Because I realize many of them are confiding in me because my story has given them the courage to relate. They feel safe confiding in me.
I also try and ground myself when they approach me and ask me if I have a moment to hear them. Some of the stories are really deep, So, my being present for them is important.
Can you give some advice to someone who is interested in getting into the industry?
Run. No, really…It’s a slippery slope. Lots of rejection.
So, be secure with yourself coming in. Count on the fact that 90% of porn superstars are retired and saturated within five years. So have a plan B.
What/who is your biggest motivation in life?
Artists who inspire real change in others. People who tell their stories and help others. Aside from my Ma, who is my biggest hero.
My Top Three: Jenna Jameson – Tori Amos – Stevie Nicks
All three of those women are survivors of addiction and/or sexual abuse…like myself.
Nick Capra
You’ve battled cancer and addiction, what advice can you give to others who may also be facing similar hardships both physically and mentally?
Do not put yourself on an “island” in your addiction or your pain. I have done that in the past.
“No one understands what I’m going through” – “If they really knew what was up with me, they would hate me.”
That’s actually self-pity and self-centeredness. I have a large group of people in my support network. A sponsor in the 12 step fellowship. A homegroup. Friends who are sober, and I still attend outpatient treatment 4 days a week.
I utilize all of these resources daily to stay sober physically & emotionally. I still do follow-ups with my oncologist and radiologist to make sure cancer hasn’t returned.
It’s been exactly two years since I was diagnosed with seminoma and had my right testicle removed and an implant put in. So, I’m technically still in “remission” for another three years.
How do you maintain such a strong and motivational persona after going through such difficult times?
I’ve always been ambitious and driven. I have a structured schedule that starts at 530am on weekdays and doesn’t stop till I’m in bed at 930 pm. Lots of lists that I write out the night before.
I could never function and get everything done without my lists!
Any new projects you are working on right now or plans as we head into 2020?
I am directing and starring in a big story-based feature for Lucas Entertainment this February. We are filming on location in Puerto Vallarta.
And later in the year, a memoir about my life in the industry, focusing on my addiction and recovery.
For more about Nick Capra, his journey and his work click the links below:
noah.bernard
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